oh look, here we are again! another year has whipped on by us like the god damned acela train on crack. hair blown back, make-up totally melted, clothes practically ripped off. tell me, how are you feeling right now? totally rocked? perpetually hungover? defeated? anxious? in love? if you are, gross. this post isn’t for you. (jk, you can still read it.)
every time the ball drops and i steal a meaningless smooch from the closest friend to me (not this year… i got real smooch! WIN!)
i stop and think: “where am i right now?” not like, geographically… though, i admittedly struggle with that at times… ADHD, you can be a real bitch. but mentally, emotionally, and physically… am i okay?
people are so quick to jump into their new year’s resolution like it’s nothing. “yo listen, i’m gonna go to the gym 5 times a week every week until i make adriana lima look like a fat slob.” i mean, sure. if that’s what you want, good luck to you! but i think one of the fundamental purposes for a new year’s resolution is to sit and reflect on the year prior. is it not?
for the last 365 days, ask yourself, “what did i do?” when did you feel success and empowered? when did you feel like you totally tanked and fell on your face? did you have FOMO about something? were you nice to people? did you call your grandparents enough? did you put your mind and body’s needs in front of your social needs? did you sleep? did you laugh when you were at a breaking point? (ironically, in my office, “the breaking point” is a bottle of booze we save for particularly tumultuous days…)
these are the kinds of questions that are imperative to bench marking yourself in a meaningful way. a lot of times, for me anyway, you will realize just how much you accomplished in the past year that you had already forgotten about. take a moment to acknowledge these moments and give yourself a little mental hug for them. i like, totally forgot that i got promoted this year. i also conquered my fear of flying by um, flying. i did yoga in fenway park, and i took a significant financial pinch to go visit people that make my soul sing. i lost weight in an unhealthy way and realized that that’s super not okay and i never want to to that again. i took the GRE. i finally got help for my anxiety. and, most importantly, i committed time to starting this blog which has been a tremendous medium for my journey of self-acceptance.
of course, there are a roughly million things that i’m not proud of too. there are two sides to every coin. i didn’t volunteer enough. i talked over people and i didn’t listen as well as i should have. i got too drunk a few times. i spent money i didn’t have…blah blah blah. but, you have to take the good with the bad, right? in order to move forward and become more self-aware, you, have to…you know…be self-aware!
it’s really tough to look introspectively when our entire culture thrives on competition and comparison. all we tend to see is what’s around us: who’s making more money, who has a richer social life, who has a healthier relationship, etc. but, at the end of the day, when you’re sitting in your bed watching your 4th teary episode in a row of “Randy to the Rescue”, what matters more in the entire universe than how you feel about yourself right there in that moment?
every year, i vow to take better care of myself than i did the year before. with passing time i learn more about what my physical self needs in order to keep up with my mind and my heart. does this mean i’m going to make ridiculous claims about working out and dieting? duh, i have lady parts, that’s in my DNA, homies. besides, gluten makes me feel drunk and gives me a rash on my left ring finger (i wish i was kidding.)
what this resolution of continued wellness prioritization really means, is that with each year gone, i realize that i am my only self right now, and if fuck it up, i’m kind of SOL.
i have other things i’d like to do this year, of course. and “taking better care of myself” is an umbrella term and many of my goals fall under that category. not only will i continue to bow down to my pancreas’ needs, but i will continue improving my brain’s strength training program by surrounding myself with people whose intellect is a lot more impressive expansive than mine, i will expose myself to new places and cultures to ensure that my soul is getting the cardio it needs to stay open and warm, and i will fuel my heart with positive, inspiring friends and family that never, ever make me feel bad, and teach me how to love in ways that scare the shit out of me.
so, don’t look at your neighbor and think, “what does she have that i don’t?” look in. see what’s there. see what feels good and what feels bad. whatever feels bad, toss that shit in the wastebasket and say, “toodle ooooh!” whatever feels good, amp that up. crank those tunes right the heck up. get moving, and just be. be your absolute very best version of yourself to date and buckle up, baby. it’s 2014!