auld lang syne

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Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetHave you guys noticed that there’s literally no lettuce left at Trader Joe’s? Or how about the wait for the treadmill at the gym? Suddenly, Chipotle has the most open, unoccupied space in Manhattan. For a second I thought I missed the memo on a protest against shredded cheese and ethical lettuce rinsing. Everyone at work is eating salads, and hobbling around like little zombies because they’ve worked out for the first time in months and it allllll smells like a buncha New Years resolutions to me!

The mentality and the intention behind New Year’s resolutions is great. I love that we all give ourselves second chances to stop treating our bodies like an asshole. It’s as if over the holidays, we suddenly discovered ground breaking research noting that copious amounts of alcohol, sleep deprivation, and doughnuts can be the leading cause of adult-onset misery (aka being fat and poor). What a revelation! Sadly, the way we notoriously behave for no more than 4 weeks after New Year’s, is how we technically should be thinking, feeling, and “dieting” all the time. The reason why we make it such a big deal at first, is likely to ease the guilt we have towards ourselves knowing that at the end of 2014, we all fell off the wagon. To hide the pain of admitting we ate nachos for breakfast more than zero times last year, and we just can’t stomach the thought of stooping that low again.

So, this year, instead of making really drastic, unsustainable changes in my diet and exercise routine, I’m going to work towards a different set of wellness goals. This year, I want to make my number 1 priority “not burning out” aka “not giving up on myself”. Since in November and December that seems to be the trend for every human in America, I’m determined to proactively combat the very natural fade of commitment.

Now that I’m the wise old age of 26, I’ve come to realize two things about myself: I am not invincible, and I am probably going have diabetes for forever. I found this out from some very basic symptoms such as getting tired at night, being sensitive to environmental changes, getting a wrinkle on my forehead, finding my first grey hairs, oh, and that I have diabetes still. STILL! It’s shocking, I know.

Having diabetes is hard. My attitude can be bad sometimes. My numbers can totally suck for no reason. Some days I feel like shit and I simply refuse to admit that diabetes truly is the reason why. But I also don’t make things any easier for myself. I put myself into high-stress situations, I drink alcohol, I don’t always eat the healthiest food, I stay up late sometimes, and so on and so forth until none of you feel sorry for me anymore.

So, that said…my goal for 2015, is to make having diabetes easier for myself.

Seems lofty, but here are my official, 2015 New Year’s Resolutions to try and accomplish that goal in no particular order.

1. I resolve to stop stabbing myself with unsharpened pencils
There is nothing more alarmingly painful for no reason, than pricking my finger to test with a 3-month-old lancet. Not to mention, it does a number on my paws. Time to stop being lazy, and take the .000008 seconds to swap my lancets out once a month to preserve my poor fingers from ultimate death and destruction.

2. I resolve to explore my fingers
I donno if y’all know this, but we have 10 of these weird, boney lil’ grippy things! Not just one! I habitually test on my right ring finger, all day every day. Time to give that guy a little breakaroo and spread the love to my other phalanges.

3. I resolve to DTR with my doctor
It’s time for me to define the relationship with my Endo. For years I’ve survived on the principal of thought that, “only the people in bad control need to be close to their doctor.” This is all well and good, until I’m the person who is in desperate need of consultation in a ketone-ridden situation on New Years Eve in Maine, where the only medical personnel available for miles are Ski Patrol. Having a relationship with my Endocrinologist, and the DOC (cuz you guys are the bomb.com) will enable me. Knowledge is power, kids. I read that in a book once.

4. I resolve to stop lying
I think I might lie to myself a lot, which means I sometimes lie to other people. Not to be malicious or anything, but I do a lot of, “I’m fine!”-ing or “it’s not me, it’s you!” -ing. This is something that was brought to my attention on several occasions last year by various parties. I tend to air out all my dirty laundry and then act like absolutely nothing happened. Or, I like to point fingers and not actually talk about my own sticking points. Tough talks are, well…tough for me. I’m a Leo, what can I say? I’m ready to be real with myself. I’m ready to be real with you. And I’m ready to put my Leo light aside for a little while to make sure that whatever growth I’m experiencing is good growth. 

5. I resolve to treat myself 
Drink tea, read books, listen to Podcasts, sleep, go to the eye doctor, etc. When we’re young, we look at partying and eating junk as “treats.” Something my mom has always tried to convince me is that taking really, really, ridiculously good care of myself is actually the biggest treat I can have. Time to implement that.

6. I resolve to get around
I have the pump I have because I met with one rep one time and signed a dotted line. I did very little research and know very little about what the other options are that I have. Frankly, I love my pump. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. But what about a Dexcom? Is it time for a CGM? I have a lot of questions and the only way to answer them is to ask them.

7. I resolve to get some bling
Yeah, it’s time to wear a medical ID bracelet. I’m playin’ with fire, here. 

8. I resolve to play nice with the DOC
I was chatting on Twitter the other day with the lovely Ally, from Very Light No Sugar about her recent transition to injections after spending 9 bazillion years on a pump. She wrote a kickass piece about her challenging experience thus far, and it was so cathartic for me to talk with her about it. The DOC has proven to be an incredibly powerful support network, and it would be quite foolish of me to continue hiding in the shadows because I’m too scared to buck up and go play on the playground with the other kids “just like me.”

9. I resolve to be a leader
My new favorite human ever is a 4-year-old warrior. She lives in Ohio, and her name is Isabella. I am sure that you all know her by now because she’s like, basically a DOC celeb. She and I bonded over the holidays, and it made me realize how influential one tiny little human had been for me and my perception of having diabetes.  Imagine if I could turn around and help other girls that are feeling that way I typically feel….

10. I resolve to breathe
This morning, at 5:15, I woke up to get a glass of water, and when I walked back in to my room, my pump tubing snagged on my door knob and ripped my infusion set riiiiiight out of my love handle. I immediately started sobbing, because what the fuck else are you supposed to do at that hour when something that dumb happens? I was furious. So, I belly flopped back into my bed, pumpless, and half asleep, while my hero of a boyfriend sleepily scolded my doorknob for existing, and for being such a bully before the sun even had a chance to rise. Moral of this story is, my reaction to this very insignificant setback, was to melt down instead of breathe. Shit happens. Mistakes happen. Panicking and crying about it does very little, regardless of how fed up I am. So, above all else on this list, for my overall sanity, health, and wellness I resolve to breathe in 2015.

For times long past, my dear. It’s time to move forward, onward, and upward. Wishing you a very happy, healthy, and exciting kickoff to 2015.

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7 thoughts on “auld lang syne

  1. Libby, this should be required reading for every twenty-something-year-old diabetic. You had me at DTR with the endo! Lol Also, I may have copied and pasted # 4 to my friend after having that exact conversation with him last night, fueled by an “I’M FINE!” meltdown at work this week. 🙂

    It’s so nice to know that others experience this stuff, too.

    Thanks for the shout out. I’ve enjoyed talking with you this week. Let’s play on the DOC playground more often!

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    1. Haha Ally, but seriously. The meltdowns are so real. Like, how old are we now?! At age 6 they were because someone told me to take a nap, and at 26 it’s because All I want to do is nap, but I’m 250, and if I nap that high, I’ll wake up feeling hungover and be a nasty crazy lady. Too many bummer problems! Hahaha

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  2. Get a dexcom! Really, best thing ever. I started on the Medtronic sensor years ago which turned me off of them because it was so painful any only lasted 3 days (FDA approved)–but the Dexcom, in my experience, is way more comfortable and lasts at least 7 days (that’s what it’s approved for anyway).

    I’ve got to get around to #7 too this year…

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    1. Kaitlyn, thanks for the advice about the Dexcom! To be honest, the reason I’ve really considered it is because I feel left out…I’m like, the least cool diabetic ever because I don’t have it (ha!). But yes, for reals, I’ve been thinking about it more and more. What’s another random doo dad stuck on my body, ya know?

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