Hey what’s up, hello. I’m a little pissed off, you guys. I’m so tired of this shit. And not because I love complaining (which we all know I do), but because we’re in a losing battle. and I hate losing battles.
The launch of Starbucks’ Unicorn Frappuccino has opened up YET ANOTHER can of whoopass for those of us in the the type 1 diabetes community. And now, for the unforeseeable future, we have to innocently sit here and be the butt everybody’s jokes until the next colorful, shiny thing filled with sugar and garbage comes along from our forever f’ed up American food industry.
The Internet has gone completely insane over the release of this new frappe, and frankly, I don’t blame them. Our world is a relatively bleak place right now, so what’s not to love about a cup of frozen corn syrup that looks like all of our childhood dreams come true? EDIBLE GLITTER, YASSSS.
But what really tenses my shoulders about the craze is this shit:
Yeah, ouch. Yeah, no bueno.
Now is when I switch this message to “you”, whoever “you are”, who wrote all these headlines and is trolling every comment thread on Facebook.
Look, I know that none of these jokes are designed for people “like me”, a “normal” 158 pound, 28-year-old woman working advertising in New York, training for a road race and planning a summer trip to Croatia (holler with reccos, btw).
And they definitely not intended for any of the innocent little kids like Elladia Jones, the beautiful little girl you will be absolutely delighted by in this Tide commercial that you’ve probably already seen 100 times not knowing that that frog kissin’ princess is a type 1 diabetic.
Or Henry Jensen who is basically Victor Garber’s bff and an incredible voice and advocate for all kinds of causes.
Or Robin Arzon, the well-known Peloton instructor, entrepreneur, and marathon runner who left her prestigious lawyer to do dope fitness shit instead.
Noooo, no no. These jokes are meant for people with the OTHER diabetes, right? The kind that’s not “as serious”…. The kind people…“deserve”?…..The kind people…“can fix”?
Cut the crap. The names of the “two” diseases are the same no matter how we hack it. And when terms like “diabetes juice” and “weapons of mass diabetes” are used as a joke – the people listed above are the ones you’re hurting, not whatever antiquated stereotype, or obese cat you have stuck in your mind.
That’s also besides the real point here. Regardless of who a joke was intended for, we’ve already gone down the wrong path by making it so socially acceptable to make fun of anyone who has a disability – whether they had any control over the matter or not. We’re not running around and belittling people with asthma, cerebral palsy, food allergies, or dare I even say the C word, so why are people treating diabetics like we don’t have a disease?
Diabetes fucking sucks. I hate it. I hate that it distracts so many people from living their lives to the fullest. I hate that it wakes us up all night every night. I hate that we can’t go 15 minutes without wondering if we can go another 15 minutes. I hate that there’s a calculation for every croissant and avocado and glass of wine we’ll ever put in our mouth ever again. And most of all, I hate that we’re human pin cushions paying every penny we earn for a medicine that keeps us alive. But we’re doing the absolute best we can to enjoy our short time on this earth so forgive me for begging you to leave us. the hell. alone.
If you’re still confused please enjoy this informational little flick featuring the one and only Victor Garber as he so eloquently break things down for you.
Now that you’re alllllll woke, and open-minded to the hundreds of thousands of people who you’ve hurt with your jokes about having a disease, not a lifestyle issue, use this information for GOOD. Consider this: the next time you hear someone else make a diabetes joke, slap their froo froo Frappuccino out of their hands and tell ’em NO. You can blame me, and I’ll buy them a new one.
And for those type 1’s out there still reading this. Just remember…the only that REALLY MATTERS is this one:
Ok, now I’m fired up so I’m going for a run so I don’t explode. Thanks for readin’. Bye.