i get angry sometimes. i get jealous a lot of the time. and, most yuckily, (that’s going to be a word right now, accept it.) i get stuck in ruts where i wish i had someone else’s life or someone else’s circumstance. for example: why the hell do i have to have diabetes. i was a good kid. what did i do to deserve this? all i want to do is be free again. no more anxiety and responsibility that comes with the super – duper package deal that’s wrapped up with this life- threatening condition…it’s heavy stuff sometimes.
about a month ago, after i had found myself two years into a mild yoga obsession, yet still so far from a place of mental and emotional self-acceptance, i sat up after my shavasana meditation and said…”fuck this. i’ve got some good stuff going on here. it’s time to stop bitching about it, and appreciate what could all be gone tomorrow.”
there were a series of things that influenced me to feel this way. it wasn’t just a heady amount of incense burning in the yoga studio that day (in retrospect, maybe it was…) and a lot of the forces encouraging me to feel more appreciative of my life came from circumstances within my own family and among my friend groups. a majority of it, however, came from within me very organically and very suddenly. i had beaten myself up for long enough. i was ready to accept reality and make it work for me.
my subconscious decided to wake up that morning and finally stop worrying and stressing about the future. instead, it decided to accept the present. be here. carpe the shit out of THIS diem, not tomorrow’s diem. in order to get to tomorrow i have to figure out what was on my plate directly in front of me today.
so this yoga class that seemingly snapped me out of my self-absorbed, mid-twenties entitled mindless state involved simply the following message:
‘your life is a gift. you need to be present, be all here, be wherever you are, and be the soul of that place.’
and BOOM! a big ass light bulb went off in my brain. like, one of those super eco-friendly long-lasting bulbs that don’t burn out really fast. this oprah-style “aha” moment was legit. i could feel it all the way to my core.
i realized i had been letting self-deprecating comments come flying out of my mouth, complaining through copious amounts of moral and boozy hangovers, seeking revenge in breakups instead of peace, feeling shitty after arguments with my mom, and texting right in front of people i respect while they speak to me. i was wrecklessly endangering my own psyche.
by no means am i now, like, one of those freaky- happy people that frolics around, oblivious to the douchebag laying on his horn in the cab next to me. i still get irrationally pissed about trivial bullshit. but, as a side order to my normal, human emotions, i try really hard get an extra scoop of sincere gratitude. i make a point to tell people every day, “hey, you matter.” or, “i appreciate you.” and mostly, “thank you for helping me.”
i would be lying if i said that it hasn’t immediately effected me. it makes me feel like what i have is enough. this doesn’t mean i’ll ever stop accepting bigger, better things. but what i don’t have doesn’t matter if i can appreciate exactly what i currently do have.
so, where the heck gratituesday come from? a few weeks back some of my coolest, dopest work friends decided that life is too damn short, yet we still spend a good portion of our day complaining and getting upset over frivolous sticky points that, in the grand scheme of things, are really quite ridiculous. we were sad about this and wanted to do something. so, duh, we deemed the next day of the week, a tuesday…to be, “gratituesday.” a day dedicated to thinking about things that we are thankful for and the things we are appreciative of. we also watched this video, which shows that grateful people are scientifically happier people. it also makes you cry…you were warned.
anyway, now it’s your turn. give gratitude a try. yes, that sounded super corny. whatever. you don’t have to think of anything grandiose. it can be something simple like, “i am grateful for the gelato in my freezer because it makes boys not suck so much.” or…”i am grateful that i have 4 (ok, 10) jackets to choose from to wear to work this morning.” oh, and speaking of work, how about, “i am thankful for my income that bought me my froo-froo obnoxiously overpriced starbucks bitchalatte that i drank this morning.” see? not so difficult, is it?
anyway, i guarantee that you will feel better about your universe and many of the components in it by wednesday…or “winesday”, as we call it. oop! there’s another thing i am grateful for: winesday. mmmm yay, wine.